The obligatory Valentine’s Day signs of affection have passed, so now we have the rest of the year to show our husbands, fiancees, and boyfriends that they are loved.

Here is the problem, what if that spark of romance has dwindled and daily life is filled with conflict.

Within the past month, I have interacted with four married men, all of whom I suspect would have strayed, had I expressed interest in participating in such acts. On those occasions, I imagined myself as his wife, waiting at home, taking care of our kids, trusting that my husband was being faithful. This exercise made me feel both angry and sad, but also made me wonder about the behavior of their wives.

“It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman” Proverbs 21:19

Wow! Ladies, pay attention. Your husband is better off living in the desert, than living with you if you fight him and worry all the time. So guard your speech. Stop nagging! Create a home environment where he can trust that he will be relatively free from verbal attack. Understand that repairing this trust will take time, so be patient.

Husbands, “let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.” Proverbs 5:18-19

Wives, be that graceful doe that attracted you spouse in the first place. Hold your tongue from criticizing. There is a time for you to offer suggestions, but do it in a positive way. Give him the authority to make decisions and build up his confidence with compliments and encouragement. Give him a massage, or make his favorite dinner.

Speak to him in the love language that he will respond to most effectively. If you are unsure what his love language is, take this quiz.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not letting men off the hook. But understand that you cannot control his actions, words or behaviors. You may pray, “God, it would take a miracle to fix my relationship, please change him.” God might be working on your spouse, but in the meantime, there is something that you can do to improve your marriage today. Be the wife that your husband needs and deserves.