Sex is like fire, it is safe inside a box. Fire is safe inside a fireplace, sex is safe inside a marriage.

“But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.” 1 Corinthians 7:1-40

Wives, never deny your husband sex.  I didn’t have that problem. My husband rarely wanted to have sex with me, which led to my being tempted sexually. If not for my faith, I would have strayed. In fact, I cried for days as a result of being tempted and not being able to give in. I shared that story here.

Your husband has a right to your body. Your body is not your own. Not that you should let him hurt you. If he is hurting you, you need to tell him. If he does not stop, you need to tell someone. Other than that, give in. Enjoy the experience, and be ready for it. Does he like you to be groomed? Does he like you to wear perfume or make up? Does he like it with the lights on or off? These are things you should have learned early in your marriage, before the honeymoon ended.  If your don’t know, ask him!

If you have reached a point of desperation and aren’t really attracted to your husband, it may be hard to get excited to have sex with him, especially if there were trust issues. You may need some artificial lubricant, like K-Y Jelly to help you experience pleasure.  If you have to let your mind wander, thinking about being with someone else, do that. Eventually you will not need those aids. You will be in the moment. You will look forward to being with him. Let’s this be a second honeymoon. Discover each other once again.

The cycle of healing begins with conscious choice. If your husband is still interested in having sex with you, that is good news. When he doesn’t want to have sex, there is another problem. Read my other blog post, Love is…a message for wives.

Let me pray for you,

Dear God,

I pray for the wife reading this blog, she is struggling to save her marriage. Help her to realize that she cannot save her marriage, only you can. Help her to relinquish all control to you, God. Help her to see that she does not have dominion over her body, but her husband does. Help her to see her husband’s body as a tool for her enjoyment. If there are any medical issues that prevent her enjoyment, I pray for healing. Help her to find the pleasure that you designed for us to find in marriage.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen