The Love Code: A Cure for Silence
by Theresa Claire
“I’m lonely mentally and physically tired.” – Penny
“No appreciation for what you do, leaves you tired and feeling worthless.” – Jennifer
“I am lonely and have been crying out to God.. I do not want to be lonely anymore.” – Tina
These women may feel lonely, but they are not alone. Thousands of women visit this site looking for one thing – a miracle to fix their relationships. Communication is the key, but how do we do that?
Feelings like guilt, frustration, rejection, jealousy and embarrassment can be misunderstood and are often hard to express. We don’t want to hurt the other person, or we are afraid of the repercussions that might come from sharing. If you want healing, you have to do the work. Not until we are honest about our feelings, can we ever be healed.
In relationships – silence is a slow death.
When we don’t speak to the ones we love, we are still communicating. We speak through our actions and our body language. Women have a problem when the men in our lives don’t speak. This is because women hear voices. The voices whisper lies. The lies say,
“He doesn’t love you.”
“You are not important.”
“He is seeing someone else.”
“It will never get better.”
“You would be better off without him.”
“He’ll never change.”
The list goes on. When there is conflict in a relationship, especially involving trust and deception, she might begin to believe the lies. Her once noble character turns dark and bitter.
So what if he did make a mistake and is avoiding talking about it because he is afraid of the conflict? One thing is for certain, if he says nothing, the relationship will end. The voices will win.
Is there a way to soften painful news? Is there a way to tell her something uncomfortable without being so afraid of the backlash from an angry spouse? Below you will find The Love Code. It is a list of uncomfortable things that people sometimes avoid talking about.
If you having trouble communicating with your significant other, I would encourage you to share this with your partner. Give it a try.
For hundreds, if not thousands of years, men and women have communicated in symbols. Think of the ways we communicate the words, I love you. We might send a red heart or red roses. But what about all the other uncomfortable feelings? I think you will recognize a number of the other symbols from common idioms.
Every code word or phrase below has a matching or similar emoji with the exception of the Big Gulp and Slurpee. Those conversations should never be had via text message.
- Sorry I’ve been working so much, but I am under a lot of pressure at work – 8 Ball: Many of you might already know this phrase, I just added in the apology part so she can understand.
- Need help – at a stop light: If you asked me if I was at a stop light – that would be such a gift. Or I could say I might say, I’m at a stop light. Then explain the problem.
- Can we talk about this later? – bamboo: This signals to the other person that you want to talk about it, but need some time to think. Best to set a time to reconvene.
- A big dream that won’t go away – crystal ball: I have a crystal ball and want your support because I am going to pursue it.
- Be alone – ride a horse: I want to ride my horse.
- Sex – pizza: I feel like sharing a pizza with you.
- Feeling horny – riding a rocket: I am riding such a big rocket that if you are not interested in having pizza, I will find someone else who does.
- Lonely – a pumpkin: I feel like a pumpkin.
- Sick/something’s wrong – big giant lollipop: I have to tell you about a big giant lollipop (size of the problem can relate to the size of the lollipop).
- Incurable disease or virus – joker: I have a joker. I want to pray with you that I am healed, because there is no other cure known to man.
- I was raped – skull face: There is a skull face in my past.
- Abortion. – skeleton key: I have a skeleton key in my past, or; I know you want me to have a skeleton key, but I don’t want to.
- Stop the conversation – snowflake: All you have to say.
- Having a baby – Fleur-de-lis : For example, somehow I got on some list that is sending me coupons making me think about fleur-de-lis. I was wondering how you feel about fleur-de-lis. I really wouldn’t have thought about it until you mentioned that you would rather change diapers than rake leaves, but now I am wondering if I want a fleur-de-lis. How do you feel?
- Boring/desire to feel excited – like a robot: My life feels like a robot. Our sex life is like a robot.
- Marry – wear a top hat: If you asked me, I would wear a top hat with you tomorrow, or; I don’t think I ever want to wear a top hat again.
- Guilty – pickaxe: I feel like a pickaxe. I will hesitate to respond. I will just listen when you say that. You could add words below.
- Embarrassed – swallowed a chicken bone: I feel like I swallowed a chicken bone and I don’t know what to do about it.
- Hurt – riding a camel: I feel like I’ve been riding a camel for a long time, but didn’t know how to tell you. Or if you have bad news you could preface by saying, I don’t want you to ride a camel.
- Bad news – bugle: I have a bugle to tell you. It’s…
- I don’t want to go – ride a tractor: That concert/party/gathering sounds like the as great as riding a tractor.
- I want to go – ride a race car: That concert/party/gathering sounds like a riding a race car to me.
- Important – music: This is music to me. (might sound familiar).
- Scared – white-eyed cat: I feel like a white-eyed cat.
- I messed up – white flag: That’s it. Then you have to say how you messed up. You can combine this with other code words if you have to.
- I had sex with someone else – broken heart: (That one would really hurt. I really hope the person I marry will never say that to me. Hopefully the other code word discussions would prevent that from ever happening). She deserves to know. If you want to work towards healing, be honest.
- I flirted with someone else today, (has to be today, or as soon as possible) – Drank a Big Gulp: (You have to confess right away. Mistakes happen, we just can’t let secrets go unsaid). I might then ask if who you drank a big gulp with, but it’s probably best if I don’t. I will feel happy that you shared and trust you more now.
- Kiss – Slurpee: I want a slurpee.
- I kissed someone else – Drank an orange Big Gulp: I need a white flag, I am sorry but I drank an orange big gulp. In reply, I might say, “Darling, why on earth would you ever drink an orange Big Gulp when you can have as many Slurpees as you want? If you say, “I prefer orange Big Gulps,” I might cry, but at least I will know. Then I can find someone who prefers my Slurpees.
- I forgive you, but it will take some time to heal – raining: It’s raining now, but the sun always comes out again.
- Break up – play basketball: I wish we hadn’t played basketball, or; I want to play basketball.
- See someone else. – roll the dice: I want to roll the dice, or I have been rolling the dice.
- I want to wait to have sex until I get married – trophy: I want to be a trophy wife.
- I feel jealous of the time you spend on that or with them – hourglass: I don’t want to hourglass, and I respect your alone time, but sometimes I wish I was included.
- I know something’s up, but I don’t want to assume (believe the lies that I’m hearing in my head), so please tell me – spider’s web
- I am trying to be patient, but I’m afraid I might explode if you don’t tell me what is going on – ticking time bomb: I am hanging out in this spider’s web with a ticking time bomb.
This list is not complete. There are thousands of other things that women think about, but the goal of the Love Code is to get conversations started. Please let me know how it goes.