In 2009, as my first marriage was falling apart, my best friend told me to turn to Proverbs. She said I could read one a day because there was 31, one for each day of the month. I would find answers in the Bible.

I have to say that that advice has never failed me. Today, I read Proverbs 31 once again, this time with different eyes. I used to think that the description of a Proverbs Wife was too hard. I used to think she held a high standard, too high to attain. I have grown these past seven years and see myself in these words.

First, she selects wool and flax, works with her hands, brings food from afar, and gets up while it is still night. Well, I don’t make clothes, but I do work with my hands as they type these words. My food comes from the store, but my bananas surely come from great distances, and I got up this morning while it was still dark.

Second, she is independently wealthy. She has her own earnings, and she is responsible with money.  When I wrote the first draft of this post in 2017, I didn’t have enough money, and it was hard to save. When you don’t have money, it is hard not to spend money when you get it. Now, I have savings, I pay my bills on time. It takes discipline, and time.

Third, “she considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard” (verse 18). I have looked for land, and at this point, I could probably buy some, but then what? I don’t want land without a husband. The Proverbs Wife doesn’t buy the land before she has a husband, she buys it after.

Fourth, she works diligently, and has strong arms. I started a YouTube workout about ten months ago to train and strengthen my arms. I certainly feel stronger now.

Fifth, her work is profitable and she holds a distaff. I had to look up what is a distaff. Basically, she is hardworking and uses her time wisely.

Sixth, she extends her hands to the poor. I used to give to beggars on the street, but I stopped. Now, I give to the church, knowing they will help those who are in need. When my husband is with me, we can be the hands and feet of Jesus together. For now, I need to feel safe. I have put myself in dangerous situations extending my arms to the needy when I was alone.

Seventh, she has no fear of the snow. I have shelter and clothes for my children. I have no fear that they will be warm.

Eighth, “she makes coverings for her bed” (verse 22). I can’t say that I “make” anything, except I do make my bed. It wasn’t until this year that I developed that habit. Now, I can’t stand the sight of my unmade bed. I got special pillows to put on top. It feels good to get into a made bed.

Ninth, she has a husband who is respected in the city. He praises her. He has full confidence in her. For now, I wait for that man. God can see that I am ready. My constant prayer has been, thank you that today is the day. When days turn into years and years turn into a decade, it hurts. You may feel tempted to take matters into your own hands. To think that God doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s making you wait too long. But continue to praise Him and believing for your marriage miracle. He knows more than me. I don’t understand, but I continue to believe.

Tenth, she makes things and sells them. The Proverbs Wife sells garments, but I don’t think that is the point. Sell things that people need. Make your own money, ladies.

Eleventh, she wears dignity and laughs at the future. She has self respect is not worried about what tomorrow. How many people do you know who walk around with moping, gloomy faces? Who wants to be around that person? Instead, she puts her shoulders back and walks around knowing she is married to a man of high standing. She has a lightness that is contagious because she thinks about the joy that is today and is to come. Truthfully, it is hard sometimes as a single woman to focus on the positive. But when I remember God’s promises, I don’t have to worry. He’s got me. Put on a cheerful, happy face and your mind will respond.

Twelfth, she speaks wisely and has “faithful instruction on her tongue” (verse 26). Ladies, we are all guilty of gossip. If we speak poorly of our neighbor, siblings, parents, co-workers, bosses, or friends, that is not wise and certainly not loving. I try my best not to speak out negatively about my relationships with others. Instead, if I am struggling, I share with my closest friends to ask for wisdom and prayer over those relationships. I ask God to “give me words to speak” as an easy quick prayer. Reading the Bible is key because that is often where the faithful instruction comes from for me to share.

Thirteenth, “she watches over the affairs of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.” (verse 27). Does that mean I shouldn’t watch TV, or surf the internet? Not exactly. But if I do so when my house is a mess, that’s not good. Take care of your responsibilities first. Then rest and relax.

She is praised not for her beauty, but for all these things she does while maintaining her relationship with God above all.

So, is the Proverbs wife an impossibly high standard to live up to? Most will never achieve that height, but does that mean we shouldn’t try? Just as young basketball players look to LeBron James as a role model, we women can look to this woman of the Bible.

I know my husband deserves this type of woman and I am glad to be a woman of honor, character, and respect. He is proud to call me his wife.