Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
There is no such thing as perfect people, but can there be a “perfect marriage?”
I am quite flawed, but I am learning to better recognize when I mess up and to quickly make amends.
My tongue: Instead of using my tongue for praise, I used it as a weapon, stabbing him with his flaws. I do my best not to let my tongue flap on ceaselessly as I once did, uncontrolled and unbridled. I understand now that I do not need to get the last word. In a perfect marriage there is no such thing as a battle won or lost. I want to be on the same side as my partner.
My temper: Learning to fight fair begins with learning to listen. Too often I was so caught up in my own head, fuming, that I refused to acknowledge him. I was angry and he was going to listen to me rant and rage. What I have learned is that it does not matter if my feeling of anger was justifiable. In the end, the anger did not benefit me. It only perpetuated the hurt. I have learned to listen, forgive and let go of the pain as quickly as possible. Beside, making up is much more fun than fighting.
Loving myself: I have to love myself first if I am going to love someone else. I can look to God to fill my needs, but there are just some things that God cannot provide. I wrote a review of the 5 Love Languages. After reading the book, I learned that my primary love language is quality time, followed very closely by physical touch. I can spend time with God and feel His presence, but it is nearly impossible to feel His physical touch. I need that from another person. I want that from another person. I have to be able to communicate my needs because my partner is not a mind-reader. He will not know that I am feeling depleted because he gave me a quick peck instead taking a minute to fill my love tank with a deep kiss and embrace.
In my mind, a perfect marriage means effectively communicating with my spouse. This happens through maturely expressing my needs and listening to his. Follow through is also key. If I listen to my spouse’s requests, but do not act upon them, I am hurting him. I may have forgotten (because I am not perfect), so it is important that he remind me or alert me when he feels hurt. Never let the hurt linger because it will build.
You designed marriage and can be amazing. It can also be very painful when it is not working correctly. Please Lord, I pray for those that are struggling in a painful situation right now. Help them to figure out effective ways to communicate with their spouse. Help them to find healing and restoration.
Lord, I ask for a perfect marriage. I am not looking for a perfect spouse, because I know there is no such thing. I just want what you designed.
In Jesus’ name, Amen