For the past two years, I have been alone on Christmas Eve. The first year, I felt miserable and terribly lonely. Last year, I felt afraid of that feeling and I wrote Almost Christmas as a hope and wish for things to be different. In fact, I did not go to church alone on Christmas Eve, I went to sleep, then I woke up on Christmas Day and went to Church by myself.

Do you know the songs, Please Come Home for Christmas and All I Want for Christmas is You? Yesterday, these songs played back to back on my music station. I want to celebrate the holiday like families do, like couples do in relationships. But this would take a Christmas miracle.

This year, I am preparing to go to church solo, come home to an empty house, and wake up alone. Last year, I hoped for more and felt disappointed when it didn’t happen. This year, I will not feel disappointed. I will try my best to see this alone time as an opportunity and remember it will not last forever. Someday, my house will be overflowing on Christmas Eve. I will be wrapping lots of presents, but I will remember these Christmases in case I start to get wrapped up in the commercial holiday.

Dear Theresa,

Never forget these Christmas Eves when you felt poor and lonely. You are not really alone. There are many people around the world who are also alone tonight.

Maybe next year, the year after, or five years from now, you are reading this with beds full in the adjacent rooms, with presents piled high under the tree. Be thankful for what you have. But remember from where all blessings come.

We celebrate Christmas to remember the birth of a child, who was given the name Jesus. His birth was prophesied in this passage, “For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

This message came to the Jewish people about 700 years before the birth of Jesus. Then a baby came, and some believed, and some are still waiting.

The authors of Killing Jesus, Bill O’Reilly and Martin Dugard remind us that there have been more books written about Jesus, more pieces of art created and more songs composed, than any other human being.

I have all the evidence I need to believe that Jesus was God in the flesh. I believe in the first Christmas miracle. Someday, I will get my Christmas miracle. I will have that full house on Christmas Eve, but I will not feel disappointed this year if I don’t get it.

This year, I will start a new Christmas Eve tradition.

I will take this moment to reflect on the blessings that have happened this year.

Living on faith means trusting in God with everything. For the past year, I wandered from home to home, hoping for a place to call home.

I lived in four different homes, only one was a family member’s.

I had enough money to survive without working for a regular paycheck until October, which allowed me to focus on my business.

October 2: I met an angel. More about him to come.

October 5: My best friend had a miraculous operation.

October 25: I had enough income to pay my first rent check in over a year.

December 12: Fully-funded Kickstarter project

Reflecting on these blessings makes me wonder why I ever complain. It is true that I do not have my marriage miracle yet, but I have so much. I recognize that my happiness is not dependent on the love of another human being. Instead, I must choose to feel content with my current situation in order to feel happy. I choose joy.

But if you are alone tonight, let me pray for you.

Dear God,

I ask that you bring comfort to the lonely. Help us to remember that because of you, we are never truly alone. You will never leave us, nor forsake us.

Thank you for helping me remember what I do have, so turn from focusing on my areas of lack. You are my rock and my provider. So I will not worry about anything. Please fill me with peace that surpasses all understanding, so I can wait patiently for the gift of a healthy relationship when the timing is right.

In Jesus’ Name,