December 25, 2019

Almost Christmas and Alone again taught me that God doesn’t work on my timeline, but He is definitely working. The experience of spending four Christmas Eves alone changed me. I appreciated this year with new eyes and an open heart. Last night was Christmas Eve. For the first time in four years, my three boys slept in their beds on Christmas Eve while I carefully arranged presents under the tree.

We woke up on Christmas morning and opened presents together before I put them on a plane to see their dad. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a glimpse into the future and what is to come.

Every Hallmark movie reminds me that I am single. I don’t have a partner to share in the wrapping of presents, the Santa Clause cookie-eating, and Christmas movie watching. Don’t get me wrong, my children are great, but they cannot compare to the companionship of a loving spouse.

Throughout this season, I have thought about what I would ask for if I could spend this day with my “true love.”  What might he give me?

When I put my own needs and desires aside, I can see that I am not the only one who wishes for something else this day. We are each given the hand we have. I choose to make the most of mine.

On this first day of Christmas, my true love was no where to be found, but he gave me the gift of time.

If my true love were here, I would have wanted to spend the day with him. Instead, I spent four hours at the hospital with my mother’s 98-year-old second cousin, and watched Willow on Disney+ with my brother.

Next year, I’d rather spend the time cuddling together on the couch or making a meal with my true love. I believe those Christmas days are yet to come. Today, I got to be with others. Thank you, “true love” for that, for not showing up too soon. However, any day would be alright.

2020 will pass quickly enough and in the blink of an eye, Christmas will return once again.